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| ROMNEY CHOOSES BETTY WHITE AS RUNNING MATE | Published: 01/06/12 |
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FREMONT, Calif. (CAP) - In a move that has stunned Washington insiders, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney has chosen America's favorite elderly white-haired comedienne Betty White as his running mate. The announcement came on the heels of Romney's visit to the headquarters of the bankrupt Solyndra solar energy company.
"We felt that it was important for Mitt to pick an individual who would generate a favorable buzz and a limited amount of controversy, and frankly I think he's done that," said a source close to the Romney campaign. "After all, is there anyone out there who isn't a fan of Betty White these days? She's categorically adorable. I think she'll make a great Vice President."
He added, "Not only that, but when Betty White makes bizarre and inappropriate statements at inopportune times, people will laugh and cheer, instead of feeling uncomfortable the way they do whenever Joe Biden opens his mouth."
The source noted that it was not initially easy to get White on board for the VP project. The actress's long and varied career has been experiencing a resurgence since the early years of 2000; she has a new series on ABC this season and has been in talks to host another upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live.
Despite her current nearly universal appeal, White's handlers were reportedly worried that associating with Mitt Romney might negatively affect her popularity.
GOP officials have also expressed concern that Betty White may prove to be another unsuccessful dark-horse VP pick, similar to 2008 nominee John McCain's disastrous choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. However, as one state representative recently told CNN, the general consensus on both sides of the aisle is that Betty White is "infinitely more self-aware and likeable" than Palin and also "better at reading cue-cards."
As Romney's critics have pointed out, Betty White is also 90 years old and a registered Democrat.
"But none of those impediments were going to get in Mitt's way," said a former aide, who left the Romney campaign shortly after the pick was announced. "He wanted Betty White for VP, and he was going to get her. Every time we voiced our reservations, he would just start quoting that muffin sketch she did on SNL that everyone loves.
"As though having excellent comic timing somehow gives Betty White authority as an economic strategist," the former aide added.
One Republican official put it more bluntly. "Romney has lost his mind if he thinks the American public will put a nonagenarian actress with no political background a heartbeat away from the presidency," he said.
"Although I suppose it could have been worse," he noted. "Betty White's no politician, but she's got her head on straight, more or less. If Romney had wanted a candidate who was a flat-out total nightmare, I suppose he could have gone with Paul Ryan."
| CAP NEWS TICKER - 12/1/2012 | Published: 01/12/12 |
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Joe Biden stopped by the opening of a new Costco today and totally cleaned the store out of all their food samples. "It's not like *I* got invited to have lunch with Obama," he said, telling patrons that's how Americans will have to eat if middle-class tax cuts are repealed.President Obama will host Mitt Romney for lunch tomorrow after the Secret Service picked up the former presidential nominee p...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| UNFORTUNATE TYPO LEADS TO MUCH UNEXPECTED NUDITY | Published: 30/11/12 |
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CHEVY CHASE (CAP) - A typo in the Baltimore Sun led to hundreds of nudists showing up for the Audubon Naturalist Society's annual meeting and bird-watching contest last weekend.
The listing, which was supposed to be titled Calling All Naturalists, was input as Calling All Naturists.
As a result, Audubon members - mostly suburban housewives in their 60s and 70s - found themselves surrounded almos...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| FRUIT CART ASSOC. PROTESTS LATEST JAMES BOND MOVIE | Published: 29/11/12 |
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MARRAKESH (CAP) - The International Guild of Fruit Cart Owners (IGFCO), the world's largest association of fruit cart proprietors, has launched an official protest against the new James Bond movie Skyfall, noting that its opening sequence alone features at least a half dozen fruit carts crushed by large, fast-moving vehicles.
"It was the straw that broke the camel's back," said guild spokesman Ab...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| GOVERNMENT DROWNS GROVER NORQUIST IN BATHTUB | Published: 28/11/12 |
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WASHINGTON (CAP) - The U.S. Federal Government was arrested and charged with manslaughter after the body of conservative lobbyist Grover Norquist was found this week at his home in Washington, D.C.
Police on the scene confirmed that Norquist had in fact been drowned in his own bathtub and that foul play was suspected.
Investigators say the Federal Government was the last known entity to have see...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| LITTLE DEBBIE ARRESTED AFTER WEEK-LONG SNACK BENDER | Published: 27/11/12 |
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CHATTANOOGA (CAP) - "Little Debbie" McKee, whose Zebra Cakes and Cosmic Brownies have long taken a back seat to Twinkies and Ring Dings, was arrested just outside Chattanooga yesterday after a reported wild bacchanal celebrating the downfall of Hostess Brands Inc.
"Who's moist and spongy NOW?" Debbie reportedly screamed repeatedly as police carted her off with her white straw hat hanging askew fr...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| PATS' GRONKOWSKI RECEIVES BIONIC FOREARM IMPLANT | Published: 26/11/12 |
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BOSTON (CAP) - New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has become the NFL's first bionic player following an experimental surgical procedure after breaking his left arm during a game against the Indianapolis Colts.
Doctors say the arm now has the equivalent strength of a bulldozer.
"Gentlemen, doctors told me they could rebuild him because they have the technology," coach Bill Belichick sa...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| [AUDIO] PUFFY PAPER ULTRA SOFT | Published: 25/11/12 |
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Whether you're wiping or blowing or killing a spider that's scampering across the bathroom vanity, use the one toilet paper that's gentle no matter the surface....
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| PRESIDENT OBAMA, FAMILY CELEBRATE BLACK FRIDAY | Published: 23/11/12 |
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WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Barack Obama and his family celebrated the their first Black Friday holiday today as second-term residents of the White House. The foursome kept the day fairly low-key, staying home to watch a movie together and then taking in dinner at B Smith's at Union Station.
"Today is a very special day for my people," Obama told reporters as he dined on grilled lamb chops with ...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| MICHELLE OBAMA BOOED AT THANKSGIVING DINNER | Published: 22/11/12 |
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WASHINGTON (CAP) - Michelle Obama's week went from bad to worse as the First Lady found herself the subject of a round of booing while she served Thanksgiving dinner at the White House today. Eyewitness reports had difficulty identifying the origination of the booing, which by many accounts appeared to be scattered throughout the dining room.
"Secret Service agents believed they had pinpointed th...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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| ISRAEL, PALESTINE TO DUKE IT OUT ON CUPCAKE WARS | Published: 21/11/12 |
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TEL AVIV (CAP) - As calls for a ceasefire between Israel and Gaza intensify, United Nations officials report that both sides have agreed to send two of their best bakers to New York to compete in an upcoming episode of the Food Network's Cupcake Wars.
The winning team will not only get the coveted $10,000 prize but will also have their cupcakes showcased at the LUPUS Foundation Of America's annua...
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Gadget Name:
CAP News
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