As part of my e-mail consulting, I often have the opportunity to engage in thought-provoking exchanges with my readers.  I like to post any that I think will be of general interest, and now they will be available on this new eLert system for your Google Desktop as well.  Watch for "Reader Q and A" in the eLert headlines, and please understand that I ALWAYS substitute a fictitious name to keep everyone's identity anonymous.

~ M. P. ~

Hi Mike,

I just wanted to say that really liked your "Fear of Rejection" audio program, and that I'm looking forward to putting the pull-tabbing technique into use.  I  thought you did an awesome job with the dialogues, and I really felt as if I was in the same room talking to you!   My only complaint is that some of the background music is a little too cheesy for my taste, but whatever.

Before I give you my questions I also wanted to thank you for replying to the e-mail that I sent you a year ago about this one particular girl.  I never replied back and said thank you, but I just wanted you to know your advice helped me tremendously.

So now on to the questions...

Q.   Let's say I'm dong a pull tab with a girl and she puts her hand forward to shake my hand.   At this point I should do the handshake trick, right?  But if the pull tab goes well then is it okay to do the hand shake trick AGAIN before I make my exit?
 
A:  Sure, I don't see why you can't do the handshake trick TWICE as both a greeting and a goodbye if you have the opportunity to do so... go for it!  Seduction should always be approached in a lighthearted manner as much as possible, and given plenty of room to unwind as it wants to.  Don't let yourself become too tightly rule-bound doing this stuff, that's where a lot of your current problems probably arise from.

Q.  My voice has a nasal quality due to my genetics and I often have a problem projecting my voice.  Do you know of any voice training exercises that I could do to make myself sound more assertive?

A:  Here's something I found that you might find useful, give it a look:
 
      http://www.luvvit.com/college/media/voice.html

Q.  Any advice for picking up girls at loud parties, clubs or music concerts?   I don't do well in these kind of situations, but I do get invited to these places sometimes.  I can talk to people one-on-one pretty good but I struggle in groups and especially when I have to yell to talk over music. 

A.  Charming women is always difficult when you can't be heard clearly, that's why I never much liked bars and other loud venues myself.  A lot of the nuance that you need to communicate with women on a romantic level comes through your inflection and other subtle vocal cues -- and all of this is completely lost when your voice is reduced to a flat-sounding shout.  You have to use more body language and get involved in dancing and being more physical with them in order to get your message across.  Women have great radar though and they generally 'get it' for the most part when it comes to understanding these cues.

Copy some of the "players" around you and watch what they seem to be doing in a physical sense, especially those things that grab the attention of women.  And it's okay to ditch the group dynamic if it's dragging you down -- I always thought that it was best to work alone anyway and was never a big fan of the whole wingman thing.
 
Q.  When walking I keep my head high and look people in the eyes.   However, sometimes I feel out of breath and it usually happens when a pretty girl is approaching -- causing me to have shifting eyes.  Are there any breathing techniques that you know of that can help me breathe more naturally?

A.  I would read up on some basic yoga instruction.  This exercise philosophy centers around learning how to breathe properly in order to promote maximum relaxation.   And since you'll usually learn this skill FIRST before encountering all those pretzel positions, any basic guide should have some good advice for training your breathing.  Check Wikipedia.

Q. In regards to the "Me Card", is it all okay to print them from a computer and just cut them out?  It would be a paper card, and I don't know if chicks would take that seriously.   Would it be better to go to printing store and get them done professionally?

A.  Just make these cards yourself with an inkjet printer, don't buy them.  The best thing to use for printing out the cards is glossy photo paper.  Get some of that smaller 4x5 material and print off one or two cards at a time.  It's nice and shiny and looks really slick, and you can include a little color too.  You don't need tons of these cards remember, just about 4-6 to keep in your wallet for those surprise opportunities out in the field.

Q.  This next question is about pull tabbing in school.   For example, my journalism class is packed with hot women waiting outside in the lobby. I could theoretically pull tab a different one every day.  Should I be cautious about this, do you think?  I don't want to seem like a player going from girl to girl -- and then if I did get contact info from a girl she may think negatively of me!

A.  The great thing about PT'ing is that you can dial it back a notch and just be very casual and friendly about things without "going all the way" (i.e., doing a full-blown Icebreaker) if you don't wish to go for any big hairy-scary Play at the moment for whatever reason.

Use a "soft" PT technique just to spread around the general idea that you're a social guy, then pick your targets carefully when contemplating a full PT.  Save the big gun for when you catch a good vibe coming from the woman, that there seem's to be a low chance of rejection.  Ego protection is the name of the game with this particular philosophy remember. 

Q.  When is the best time to do a pull-tab in a classroom environment?  Before class, during class or after class?  I would think AFTER class because I would want to disappear after getting her contact information.  If I do it before or during class she will most likely be sitting next to me and it would feel uncomfortable.

A.  Yes I agree, after class would be better.  Your mind is clear of all the pre-class thoughts and worries, but best of all you can disappear after the pull-tab as you suggest -- which leaves a little mystery going for yourself... rather than sitting there awkwardly with the emotional after-effects of the PT still hanging in the air.  You want her thinking about you when she's off alone, building you up in her own mind (hopefully!).  This is a process of self-delusion which is ruined by your proximity, especially if that moment of first encounter drags out too long.

Q.  What is the best way to do pull-tabs in front of friends or other people without feeling embarrassed that people are watching me?  For example, I always wanted to talk to this one girl who sat in front of me at my previous college.  I would have talked to her, but my friends were always right next to me and it stopped me from initiating any conversation with her.

A.  If your buddies are c-blocking you for whatever reason (even if it's only in your head) it might be time to get some new friends, or at least avoid sitting near these jokers whenever you've got an intriguing girl in your sights.  Keep your priorities in order.

Q. Is it less threatening to a girl I don't know if I sit one seat away from her, or is sitting right next to her okay do you think?

A.  It's okay to sit right next to anyone as long as you at least say hello when you first take your seats.  Trade a few words of small talk with her so that you're not both just sitting there in tense silence during class.  She may then be in a more receptive mood to chat a bit afterwards.  And if not, you've at least planted a little seed to work on the NEXT time you see her.

Q.  In regards to NLP anchoring, are there any trigger techniques besides wearing a rubber band or pinching my wrist to use when I begin to think negatively?

A.  There's a physical routine you can do with either hand where you finger-tap out a specific pattern of movements and then train yourself to sense these as an anchor by associating them with whatever brain state it is you're trying to achieve.  But this technique creates a pretty subtle sensation -- so it will surely take more practice to form a useful association than it does when using something more "neurologically loud" like a band snap.  One advantage however is that it doesn't require any special equipment that you have to remember to take along with you in the morning!

Q.  Is it a good or a bad idea to ask if a girl is SINGLE as soon as you meet her?  I read the section on your site from the Penthouse article but I was confused because I also read Hamilton Miller's social skills newsletter and he said that asking someone whether they were single or not upon first meeting them is a bad idea.

A.  I wouldn't ask such a direct question straight away either, it makes you seem too slick and callus -- like you're running a mechanical routine that you just toss at any cute chick who walks by.  This guy in the Penthouse article sounds like a high-stakes player who has some kind of clock running in his head and who is desperate to make his way through all his likely prospects FAST... just give me the facts ma'am!   And he apparently has no concern for being rejected either -- he must be unaffected by it.  Unlike most of the rest of us who would like to avoid this fate if we could.

Someone's relationship status will usually become apparent in their willingness to engage in conversation with you and reflect positive signals such as good eye contact, etc.  If you're willing to WAIT and let things unfold in their own time a little bit, then you don't have to go diving in and interrogate women rude and fast the way this guy does.

Q. What audio program is coming next after "Kick Ass Confidence"?

A.  I think that my next audio will be about self-hatred.  This is a big issue that goes way beyond just being effective socially -- it can destroy your entire life from beginning to end.  I've just begun doing some research by reviewing some old books that I'd read a long time ago on the subject, and so it will be several months before anything is ready to record.  Just stay on the mailing list.

Hey Jerry, that was a real SAT test you blasted me with there... much food for thought right back at you!  Take care buddy.

Best Regards & Good Luck,
 
~ Mike Pilinski
Author, "Without Embarrassment"
& "She's Yours For The Taking"
      The HSM Audio MP3 Training Series:
        'Kick Ass Confidence'
        'Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection'
www.HighStatusMale.com