I'm just starting to gain more confidence in myself, and so becoming the one I am meant to be. I just start to feel more and more that I don't care if one particular girl rejects me. Even so, I have listed my problems which I feel are somewhat difficult to defeat.
I've read these seduction books with samples of openers and stuff, and I can use them easily. But, I have difficulties to keep the conversation flowing towards seduction. And it feels little bit foolish when I have to rely on others' tips rather than saying something that is my own. I'm somewhat amateur I know, and maybe just practicing I improve. I haven't asked yet any phone numbers or asked any girl to a date, but I know I can do it anytime. I can create some chemistry perhaps. I just don't know what to talk about on a date! Maybe it sounds stupid, whatever. But as everyone keeps saying not to keep the conversation in those usual 'yes or no' questions. I don't know with what to start. I can't use openers which are designed to approach girls in a bar. One man recommends to have at least 3 openers, but I don't have any.
2. Improving life
Nowadays Im somewhat lonely. I usually just go to a club with my friends. So, what interesting could I have going in my life? I have a hobby and I visit gym. How can I create anything good with a girl when Im not living so busy life? What should I do? One dude gave me his phone number because he found that Im pretty cool guy and maybe we can visit a club another time with others too. A club! I'd like to have other things to do as well than visiting a club. Therefore people may find me a little bit bore sometimes because I don't have much to do. So what to talk about then?! I may have not nothing to talk about. Maybe I should start getting to know things better so I could have something to talk about with girls. Watching films, reading books and doing more stuff on my own. Concept is to try to show that Im a healthy independent, interesting, funny and cute young man. Right?
Maybe I don't even need so busy life after all? If I would be happy in my current situation, then girls would find me more attractive because I don't care about if I don't have so much friends. They see that I can make my life wonderful even if I don't have much social contacts etc. but still have interesting things to say. That is the man I am aiming to be. Im doing process all the time slowly.. but without doubt. Is there any advice you could give me?
Thanks for writing. I see that you bought that Successful Seduction program which is exactly what I was going to recommend to you for learning some techniques that should help you become a more lively and focused conversationalist around women, since this still is a big issue with you, as you write. Has the product been helping at all? Let me know (I trust that you are giving the system a fair tryout and are doing actual real life things with the knowledge, and not just reading and expecting it to work on it's own somehow, right?...)
As for question 2...You just need to develop some kind of passion in your life, some kind of interest beyond women and hanging out. You must find a passion and then redirect more of your time and effort into it. Hanging out in bars, etc. is just a passive activity. You're basically just waiting for the world to come to you in some random, unexpected way, and then when it doesn't happen you get all depressed about it. This recognition (and possible shame) about your passivity towards life is the source of your inability to hold conversations. You're an empty vessel, and therefore having nothing much to talk about.
Plus your ongoing low-grade depression about this endless situation robs you of any enthusiasm about anything, and therefore you aren't compelled to really talk about anything with anyone. Then to make matters worse you force yourself to spend your time suffering through social situations where your zero-lifestyle renders you a complete fish out of water, making you feel further alienated and alone and hopeless (and possibly helpless as well?).
What's going on here? Self hatred and self punishment. Very simple but powerful. You need to break this dull and deadly cycle ASAP by making a quantum shift in both your thinking and your emotional attachment to your pain and sadness. These things, these nothing lifestyles can actually become addictive believe it or not, even though they are negative in the sense that they don't seem like any fun like drinking, eating or doing drugs. They are fun for the self-torturing segment of your mind that is fighting it's own little war against you. Do some work on yourself, you're young... you have tons of time to self-correct but it won't happen while you passively wait for it to arrive on it's own. People waste lifetimes pining away for this lightning bolt to strike them, and then turn bitter when it doesn't. Get those books by John Bradshaw that I recommend and get busy reforming your deepest thoughts about yourself. Look them up on Amazon.
Someone else taught you to be ashamed of some aspect of your inner spirit, now YOU are in charge of your consciousness... and your first order of business as self-responsible thinking entity is to clean house of all the garbage that was left behind in your skull by poor parenting or a rotten adolescence or whatever. YOU are in charge of you now. Get busy re-designing who that person is, and who he is going to be from now on. Enough with the passivity. Take care.
~ Mike Pilinski
Mike Pilinski is the author of 2 great (and by now even somewhat classic) e-books in the Men's Dating Market... his highly-acclaimed original, "Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Totally Fearless Seduction System" and "She's Yours For The Taking: A Man's Guide to the Seduction and Sexual Enchantment of Women". Each of these 250+ page books, newly upgraded and revised for 2009, are a masterful education for all guys in the fine art of meeting, dating and seducing women.
You'll love Mike's down-to-earth, humorous "no-punches-pulled"-style and his entertaining delivery. You'll laugh, pound the wall and LEARN all at the same time. But most of all you'll experience an enlightening personal journey into the light of social freedom that you won't soon forget. This unusual "re-mindsetting" will have you making up for time wasted in shy-guy hell almost from the very first moment that you test it out for yourself.
You will learn how to defeat the deadly toxic shame that lies at the heart of all rejection sensitivity -- finally breaking the destructive cycle of rejection--self-castigation, over-thinking and other self-defeating behaviors that have been holding you back socially.
And now Mike's books are now packaged along with his two 90 minute and 150 minute, multi-media MP3 audio programs: 'Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection', and 'Having Kickass Confidence Around Women in Only 18 Days'... BOTH included now as no extra charge bonuses.
That's over 500 pages of written material and 4 hours of easy listening, fun instruction. You should get college credits for this thing! Check HighStausMale.com for the latest details. And don't forget to take a look at some of the loads of free articles that Mike's posted up on the website.
You can also follow Mike on Twitter