I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow ...

... and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is that you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I said that the dog food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

(By now, practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind the woman I was talking to.)

Horrified, she asked if the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had been sitting in the street scratching fleas and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

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