Hilarious Headlines...............

* Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
* Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
* Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
* Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
* Farmer Bill Dies in House
* Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
* Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
* Stud Tires Out
* Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
* Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
* Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
* Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
* Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
* Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
* Miners Refuse to Work after Death
* Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
* Stolen Painting Found by Tree
* Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
* Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
* Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
* Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
* War Dims Hope for Peace
* If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
* Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
* Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
* Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

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