Here are some lines from actual resumes:

* I am very detail-oreinted.
* My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
* Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
* Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
* It's best for employers that I not work with people.
* Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
* I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
* If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
* My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
* You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!
* I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
* Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
* Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date.
* Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
* Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
* Previous experience: Self-employed--a fiasco.
* Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
* My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.
* Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
* I am a rabid typist.
* Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984.
* I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
* Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
* Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
* Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.
* Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
* Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes.
* I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
* Special Skills: Speak English.
* Served as assistant sore manager.
* Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.
* Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel
* Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis

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